"Beau"tox

Two weeks ago, I booked myself in to have some more Botox. I decided to give back to myself after giving continually all the time to clients in their readings.

Oh Ok ! I admit it, I am just vain !


I felt the forehead was in need of some help in the paralysing muscles department. The last Doctor that did it last probably put enough in to paralyse a hamster's muscles as it wore off after 7 weeks, although I did tell her as it was the second time she had administered the treatment, I felt she needed more as it was apparent it did not last long.


Hence, I looked up some Doctor's in the area and even called a few salons who regularly have treatments there for customers. Basically, both salons were useless at communication, gave out wrong prices and in reality did nothing for my trust of whoever they had coming in to inject poison into my face as their first impressions ( we all know how much L-C here loves a good first impression) did nothing to instill confidence in me with reference to their ability and their Doctor's.

I had made an appointment via email with a Doctor - who does house visits ! How fabulous! Botox on Wheels ! A house call for Botox ? WONDERFUL !

I arranged for Botox on Wheels to come to the office, that my promotions company have and I also sometimes do readings from there.

My botox day arrived so I went to the office to duly wait for said Doctor's arrival. My promotions team was there also. The team consists of a gay couple. The office is situated on one of the couple's Dad's car lot.

The Doctor arrived and got out of the car.

My goodness, even before administering botox, I was rendered motionless to the spot. The being that had got out of the car, was heavenly.

A Botox adonis.

My gay colleague's jaw dropped ! I was frankly ready to drop my knickers to match our jaws.

Doctor did the botox , in the most unusual setting we concurred for him to do the treatment i.e. in a promotions company office in a car lot, on a lady who talks to the dead for a living and sells make up part time.

Doctor, gay colleague ascertained was not married, as we were all chatting away merrily. Gay men are good at getting things like this out of straight men - they just ask as they can get away with it.

I was certainly merry, when he was that close to me doing the treatment. During which he told me he carries a full resucitation kit in his car. Good job. I thought as I nearly fainted when I saw you.

Heaven knows how he gets out alive from bored rich housewives homes ! He is HOT !

Doctor did about 3 areas and when I asked him how many had he done, he said

"One and a half to you"

That was all he charged me. He also told me he wants a reading off me, told me he lives nearby, asked me if I have a website. Offered to build me a website as he built the one for his clinic and told me he would call me !

A Doctor on call ! I was a psychic on heat !

Anyway, gay colleague, said he kept popping in and out of the office to leave us two "lovebirds" alone and that Doctor indeed was a very handsome boy.

People - this man is the most handsome guy I have seen in my thirty something years on this planet.

Brad Pitt and George Clooney would feel insecure next to this man.

Tomorrow is the day he calls me to arrange the review in case I need a top up - I will tell him I do - just to get to see him again ! Although Psychic L-C here has a feeling he will call me after the review to arrange the reading and website building.

You know what I see for the Doctor in the imminent future ??


A petite pretty blonde with an unusual job, who does not look her age as there is not a line on her face and they met in an unusual location.

Wonder who that could be ????

"Beau"tox - every fabulous fierce female needs a little help against the ageing.

Glamour and Shitz

Well the day has finally arrived. Today was my day off and date night - going out for dinner with a man a friend set me up with.

I thought my day would be relaxing with a hint of glamour. How wrong could i be ?

Starbucks was the first stop of the day. A cute group of four. Two twenty something's and two thirty something's. One of whom is expecting her first baby imminently.

Three ladies. One gay guy, my quintessential fabulous male accessory, who as it happens is officially one of the hottest men in Wales according to a paper that I have officially fallen out with . Well one of the journalist's to be honest, that is a whole other story so will update you all people on that soon.



We are all very different, all beyond fabulous and each of us has success in our own right in the professions we do, so Starbucks was a wonderful start to the day.



Then Gay Best Friend (GBF for short) and I headed into town after our rendez-vous at 'Bucks.



I sell make-up for a company in a well known department store and the company owner was visiting so all of the team were required to have a one to one.



GBF and I got instore, had a chat with some colleagues, some male (described by GBF as "camp as biscuits . Note - GBF is not camp in any way, the nearest he gets to that is spending a night under nylon with a sleeping bag). Then we headed to the lovely Miss J. on YSL for GBF to try out the male Touche Eclat.



A must for the morning after late night's for all of us who need a little light on their face. Even as a leading medium working with the light needs a touch of touche.



GBF had a make over, very glamourous, he had a new product on his face and bought the Touche Eclat for men. I told you he was not camp !



Of course we were given some samples of other products, which included, oddly enough , a few random packets of Cadbury's Clusters.



Obviously, Miss J on YSL knows Gay men and women, Touche Eclat, chocolate and make up - what more could one want on a trip into town !!!



Then I had my high brow meeting with owner and manger. Very positive all round although sadly our stand is closing in the Cardiff Store. However, a girl always has options right ?



Then GBF and I parted company and I went home, got my blue / grey cat and took him to the vets.



The cat in question is like Lindsay Lohan and Posh Spice with fur. I never ever thought I would be jealous of a cat's hips, I AM !



The cat Moses (the holy name came in useful, explanation to follow) eats all the time and cries incessantly for food. Clearly something is amiss as he is as skinny as and his tummy is really hard and swollen.



The vet told me his stomach was empty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Like the pouches of food after he polishes them off. The cat was also dehydrated.



Vet took samples of blood from his neck as opposed to the leg (how gothic) and then gave him fluids to hydrate him via a drip !!!



I then asked the vets for tablets that would treat shock, she looked at me perplexed. I explained they were not for the cat they were actually for the owner. As the bill was nearly £100 !



Bang goes the new outfit for next weeks aftershow party of the Dave Courtney tour. Bugger !!!



Then the Vet informs me as she hands me a sample bottle - I need to collect a sample of Moses' poo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You want his shit ?? He poos something that resembles a melted minstrel as it is just a splash !



OMG !



From the glamour to shit !



How one needed him to have a holy name - we needed to pray to the money God's after that.



The punchline ...



Vet still does not know what is wrong with him. We definitely know it is not hyperthyroidism as his tests for that were negative.



After nearly an hour at the Vet's we returned home. I dropped Moses off and got the dog.



I needed some retail therapy , my guess was the dog did too as it was the weekend.



Dog and I went to Pets at Home. When I got to the cashier, I noticed they were selling the "fire engine" cat play house featured in The Apprentice on BBC1.



I was chatting to the friendly cashier about the Apprentice product on display and asked if they were stocking the leads also featured on the programme.



I felt the dog pulling on her lead and I attempted to pull her back, she seemed reluctant to move.



No wonder ! The filthy minx was having a poo right in front of the queue of other customer's and the cashier .



OMG - I was beyond mortified.



Friendly cashier was now treating me like, well what had just exited the dog's bum. I did offer to clean it up instead of the poor man that had run over with bags to scoop up the offending lumps.



He refused. One act of gallantry cannot be bad in one day, even though it included dog excrement.



Dog and I left sharpish.



The cat , however, was refusing to poo at all, despite the amount of food I gave to him when we got in.



Honestly, I swear the animals KNOW ! They do !



My pets did a conspiracy theory yesterday for poo.



Hence the day was glamour to shitz.



Or as "Mr How is this man single" described it



"catastrophic"



Or as I said "crapastrophic"

The next day, Moses gave us the parting we had all wanted not of the red sea so we got the sample to the vets.

Well Charlotte York-Goldenblatt may have had pudding her prada in Sex and the City, here at Sex and the Psychic, we push the boundaries......

L-C has poo in her prada.

First Impressions

Obviously these are hugely important. All of us only have once chance to make a (right) first impression.



Although, bad dates are not limited to the female of the species, as I spoke to a lovely single gentleman today about his bad dates and the first impressions he had of a lady he went to Bristol to see.



The lady in question had been somewhat slimmer than he had previously thought. He got there and was driving past in a volvo (correct car with impact bars for his shock as he nearly crashed on sight of her) and realised that his date resembled the Pilsbury dough boy with breasts and a wig.



Rightly or wrongly, depending on your opinion , they were going out to eat. This lovely man described her eating as watching a washing machine in full cycle.



Ladies - NOTE - not a good look to have jaws being the closest thing to perpetual motion a guy has ever seen.



Needless to say he did not see her again.



Why this man is single is a mystery to me. What do women want ? He is kind, sweet, cute, successful and very funny. He has a great family ( I know of his parents through my Mum and was in school with his sister) . Ladies, if you work out who this guy is and get a date with him - keep hold of him as with his background and family - you will never be blingless, blind or in a position where you can't get a room.



The other great first impression I made was literally falling into a date's arms and doing my utmost not to swear as I was meeting and greeting.



I had got my Ferragamo heel stuck in a grate and went hurtling forward. How romantic falling into a man's arms. Thankfully I still have the shoes , not the man and I am more than certain the shoes are a much better fit.



My friend was asked by a guy when they were going to go out on a first date, would she wear her cat costume to the party they were going to.



She told me that she asked him "What are you going to wear ?"



"Sweetie" I said "Who the F**K cares what he wears if you are in a cat suit, pussy rules the world! "



Imagine that first date, purrfect ...............................


There are also two other first dates I feel compelled to mention. I went on these during the same weekend with two very different men. They were also my last dates with both and for that I am thankful.

Date number one was off to a bad start as soon as I saw his car pull up next to mine in the Starbucks car park of where we had arranged to meet.

Firstly, I was fashionably late. That option is for ladies only. He got out of his car - not a man's car, a vile two seater with some dodgy private plate that only certain types of women drive and joked he thought he would be fashionably late.

I could have run over it in my 4 x 4 it was so small.

Enjoy the laugh and my company , I thought, as this is the first and last time for the joke - ditto dating me again, purely for the fact you were not in there to meet and greet to make the lady feel at ease upon walking in.

Not all women are blessed with the confidence I have so I thought it was really bad form he was not in there waiting to meet his date . We had met on the internet.

Secondly his name had been a non starter from the beginning. I won't name the name, in case I cause offence to those of the same name who are actually quite cool people. It is a name one just could not imagine calling out in the more passionate moments of relationships.

We got seated, I had my usual frappucino light (with what ensued I wished we had gone to a bar as I needed brandy for shock) and his drink was the hottest thing about him.

I noticed during the course of his tedious conversation that he was shaking. He told me he had been out drinking the night before, so I was not sure whether he had DT's, Parkinsons or was downright nervous.

Then he went on to question me about my spiritual side. He said he was spiritual as he listens to an audio self help book by Eckhart Tolle on his Ipod which he finds gives him "inner peace".

He said "I really shouldn't say this "

Then "Don't" I said under my breath.

"But I split from my partner last year in December and I was really upset about it so I got the audio book and it really helps"

NOTE - the date was in January.

How inappropriate to say that on a first date ! On any date to be honest ! The schmuck.

After believing this could not get any worse, it did.

He DRIBBLED ! Yes, dribbled. A long bit of drool escaped from the corner of his mouth, I acutally saw it exit the lips and swing about 5 inches downward. Mercy , Mercy me.

In my time, I have rendered men speechless, breathless and possibly weak at the knees. Never in my years or to my knowledge have I rendered any man salivaless.

It actually crossed my mind to ask him to loan me the self help book as after 45 minutes with this dude, I needed it.

I made my excuses and left.

Anyway, I remained positive as I had another date zero lined up for the next day with a guy off the same dating site.

I decided to take the car even though we were going for drinks. There are times when I am so grateful my intuition plays a part in making the right decision - I could get away quickly. Yesterday's date seemed like perfection compared to what ensued with date zero number two.

I walked in the bar and I nearly RAN back out.

He looked like Frankenstein with too much product in his hair.

He told me he worked in IT. I got that about him as he must have been a dab hand with the "Photoshop" programme on his PC as the picture did not resemble the one on his profile. He looked like a Hammer House of Horror regular. The profile one made him look quite rugged and smouldering. He then interrogated me , attempted to psycho analyse me and bored me rigid. In fact he drained me.

His breath stank, he had residue product in his hair which had left white bits, his shirt was minging and all in all his company was foul.

When I met him, I did not know whether to shake his hand or offer him some bolts for his neck.

On dates the only bolts we are supposed to have are bolts of lightning , not bolts for the man's neck.

I escaped Frankenstein after one drink. He walked me to my car, I sidestepped him, opened my door and more or less used it as a human shield when he said Goodbye to me.

Judo black belt I may be and an ex door women of 10 years, however, this was one wrestle I was not intending to get into by having to fight off his advances.

I went back home, he probably went off to haunt houses and then a quick airbrush of his pics on the PC then loosening his bolts before sleep.

Shortly after these horrendous first dates, my aunt asked me

"How is your love life LC?"

My reply

"Like the ceasefire in Gaza"

Mother and her looked at me quizzically

"Non-existent"

I explained to them my recent dates had been a dribbling, shaking, self help addict and a Frankenstein lookalike that could have taught the CIA a thing or two about questioning.

There have been dates since who did not dribble, interrogate or arrive fashionably late. Needless to say there are definitely a blog or two's worth in them.

To be continued ...............

Appropriate Donations and Dating Locations

Last week my Uncle passed away. He was a bit of a character to say the least.





Typically, my parents are away next week at their Spanish residence and the funeral is next week. Therefore, the responsibility to represent the family would be on me.





However, I have to say the last funeral I attended with the same side of the family brought laughter as opposed to tears. Especially from my Father when he saw what I had chosen for an outfit. It also brought much merriment to a friend when she found out I had worn the same outfit clubbing.







I wore bright green boots from Irregular Choice, wet look leggings and a long vintage tuxedo that skimmed my thighs. I was going to wear my bowler hat too, however, my Mum pleaded with me not to.





After several ascerbic comments from my Dad, it gave me so much pleasure when everybody commented on my boots and how fabulous they were including one of the undertakers.





As dating goes, my cousin's single friend asked for my phone number and gave us a lift in his rather swanky jaguar, the cream leather upholstery suited my wet look leggings colour wise and car exiting options wise also, slide in , slide off.





He even asked me out in front of my parents !





Only I could pull at a funeral and have my boots complimented.



Having said all that, my cousin had a very interesting outfit, that I commented on and luckily drew attention to a detail that definitely was not supposed to be there. She was wearing equestrian style boots, opaques, and a black smock type top which had a tie that went round the back into a bow.



How cute ! I thought when I saw it , it even has ruching at the back. Then I noticed some other interesting details at the back. A seam resembling one up the back of tights and lines that appeared to be the outline of knickers.



Yes, my cousin was about to get in the funeral car, to go pay her last respects to her Dad with her skirt stuck in her knickers.



I did the dutiful thing and pointed this out to her. She told me nobody else had and she had been walking round being the hostess (most definitely with the mostess) for an hour.



"Ah yes , thing is , it is 11.30 in the morning and they are drinking shorts already" no wonder I was the only one who noticed.



Have some funeral class and dont show your arse.





Anyway, back to Uncle Bill, who passed last week.





Earlier today my Mum asked my Aunt , the grieving widow, what charity would donations be sent to. True to form, Uncle B did not believe in charity, though he was a catholic so some mention was given to donating to St Patricks Church where the service would be held.





My Aunt said to my Mum the Baptist like John, except we have Roath Park lake no Sea of Galilee, that she could make a donation to her Church despite it being a different religion.





"Great!" I told my Mum, shoes and fashion are my religion, so I can make a donation to Manolo Blahnik or a retailer of my choice, I am sure Uncle B would find that agreeable - I know I certainly would ......................





A fabulous single psychic medium never knows where and when she could need fabulous footwear in order to pull an eligible bachelor.





Who said the dead are only good for helping me deliver my messages in my shows ????? They give me an excuse to shop and fashion a new outfit.





My Dear Uncle, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I remember you drunk as a Lord in the lovely stone hearth in a gorgeous hotel at a cousins wedding, well ashes to ashes , dust to dust, we all know designer shoes are a must.

Why Blog ?

Sometime last year a friend of mine, told me to write a book, as I was so hilariously funny !

Basically, the hilarity resulted from our tales of dating, some successful some not . I guess we had to look at the funny side as laughter in this case was certainly better than tears, although I have to admit as fabulous and fierce as I am, that indeed some tears have been shed along the way.

I am a renowend Psychic Medium, who is single. Having said that, if I had tuned my 6th sense in to some of the men my friends and I have dated along the way, we probably would not have bothered going on these dates, as many were a complete waste of make up. Although if there were no dates, there would be no stories, that I am going to relate to you in my blogs.

The stories will include, men who looked like Frankenstein and interrogated like the Gestapo, men who told me they listened to self-help tapes on a first date, men who had teeth that were not agreeable to me, men who friends date that still have cassette players in their cars as they are so old. Men who are wonderful, men who are odd (wait til you hear the Birdwatcher story and where I got taken as a Manolo wearing girl for a day out) and men who had friends who tried it on with me........................

Enjoy . I know that you will laugh, cringe and empathise with my friends and I. Keep the faith ladies and gents - there will be dates that will end up as your only date at some point in your lives.