Speed Skating

I know , I know, it has been a long time since I last updated you on the comings and goings in my life of L-C fabulous psychic.

Seasons have come and gone, so have jobs, I am no longer with Illamasqua - really not worth the airtime to explain. Having said that I am so much happier not having to work with a woman who wears more make up than a drag queen and tells me she painted all 12 signs of the Zodiac on her wall without knowing, plus in the other room , she painted a character which looks like the Vetruvian Man, that she calls Frank and thinks is God !!!!!!

Last Thursday I went to a speed dating event run by Cardiff County Council held at the fantastic New Central Library in Cardiff City Centre.

My friend Nick accompanied me. I figured if people were attending the event in the Library at least they would be literate as daters were asked to bring along a favourite book as an icebreaker. I took "Love Letters of Great Men" which was the book borne out of the film "Sex and the City". It includes letters by Darwin, Napoleon, Beethoven, Byron and Keats. I couldn't find my copy of the Karma Sutra - a joke my Mum did not see the funny side of.

This seemed promising in terms of being able to read and write as long as they did not bring along a pop-up book or something called "My First Book - Aged 12 months +)"

We arrived promptly, this was new for me ! I was asked by four separate members of staff if they could take my coat and put it away - "no, it is Armani" I was not letting that baby out of my sight !

I surveyed the room, slim pickings as far as I could see.

Nick (he is so astute and observant particularly for a bloke) told me I'd pulled already as the man in the grey jumper could not take his eyes off me. When he had his date with me - he asked if he could talk to me after all the other dates had finished. I made the excuse "Sorry I have to rush off " At that point the name "Speed Dating" could not have been more apt, because I would have moved at the pace of an Olympian Sprinter.

The only man who can wear a grey jumper with some credibility is Simon Cowell and that is because he wears John Smedley.

I glanced towards the said man, and glanced very quickly away . He was wearing the complete fashion NO NO ---- yes you guessed it ------ a FLEECE. It was a cross between a fleece and a jumper - still no fooling L-C here - it was a fleece. It could not be disguised as a jumper , it was a fleece.

The only place for fleeces is on mountains - preferably on sheep.

Then three men arrived. Two of them I recognised as Ice Hockey Players for the Cardiff Devils as they had done promotions for the Givenchy counter when I was with Illamasqua in Debenhams. The other guy I recognised - from my dreams and a Ralph Lauren runway show because this is what he looked like. Hunky, preppy and yes - wait for it - I am about to bestow the highest acolade I ever give - he had GREAT teeth ! Yes me - teeth fanatic - saying a guy had great teeth. The last guy I saw with great teeth was wearing John Smedley judging the X Factor and American Idol.

Things were looking up. Ice Ice Baby.

There was also another good looking guy in a blazer, then I saw the shirt he was wearing with it and my eyes hurt. It was something the male members of the Mamas and the Papas would have worn when they were doing acid with Salavador Dali and asked him to design their costumes.

Two men dropped out, they were too shy to come upstairs ! So we were down two men and no the daters were not the Scottish Rugby Team that lost against Wales yesterday.

The dating started - we had 3 minutes per date.

My first date was nearly my last, I almost lost the will to live.

Alas, he did not have great teeth. He had two teeth in the front and I recall two at the side, with a lot of gaps and gums in between. The teeth he did have were the same colour as cheap oak flooring.

He began to talk and after the basics - ie "Hi How are you ? " he launched into

"I am looking for someone to be with and I will give a 100% love, I just want to be with someone"

Then he started welling up with tears.

OMG ! My first date is in tears , I was too as I really felt for his dentist.

I was actually compassionate to him and told him that somebody will come his way and he needs to keep going out - to keep the faith (and possibly get a better dental hygienist or some veneers) and things would start to look up.

Then a few others came and went. The guy with the horrendous shirt was a Scot and when he told me he worked for Barclays as an underwriter and was in the Territorial Army as a trauma medic because of his accent I thought he said he was an undertaker and a drummer !!!!

Anyway, the Ralph Lauren model lookalike guy eventually got to my table. He was American and I did not get off to the best start by assuming he was Canadian - well he was with Cardiff Devil's Ice Hockey Players !

He is from Boston, is studying an MBA at Cardiff University and plays hockey for the Devils. He is called Mike - then the penny dropped - my friend Julia who is with an ex Devil player - had told me he dated a friend of hers who is slightly older than myself. No problems being a cougar then.

He was funny, intelligent, charming and HOT !

He commented to me that 3 minutes was not a long time - he would have said differently if he had a first date with Mr Missing Teeth - which I concurred with.

Anyway the bell rang for the end of 3 minutes and he decided to stay for a 2nd date !

WOW ! Cool , that works for me !

His team mates were great guys too. Matt M who was Canadian, was hilarious. We had a scream, he was a cool guy - and ladies, you would be lucky to have him as there would never be a dull moment. The other Matt too was a very sweet guy and is quite edgy in his dress so a good catch also.

Matt M said he would get me tickets for the games - I am ashamed to say I have not even been to the new rink - which is rather more like a tent with frozen water on the floor whilst they build the super duper one for the International Sports Village.

Matt M said I was "cool" and calm and collected. He has not seen me getting ready for a night out - those three words do not come into it. He told me to make sure I left him my details at the end of the night for the tickets.

All daters were supposed to fill out business cards for the dates they met . There were three choices on it .

Something along the lines of

"I'd like to see you again " on date basis.

"I enjoyed talking to you, I'd like to meet again as friends"

"I enjoyed talking to you. You were really nice. Good luck for the future"

At the end of the night the library staff handed out sealed envelopes to those who had attended with the completed cards.

My cards have been put in the bin. I got five.

Some of both female and male daters did not bother to fill in the cards. Nick and I were super polite and filled them all in. There was also a comment form for each attendee to make notes on the people they met during the night so we remembered who they were. Some of them I will never forget, their fashion and teeth may haunt me for the next 12 months.

We all also had to fill in a questionnaire evaluating the event. There was a last question with suggestions for any changes

I wrote

"that some men change their dentists" Or even better GET A GOOD ONE FAST.

The PR girl for the Devils is from Vegas (Viva Las and all that) was there taking photos and I asked her as an American if it does not drive her demented seeing all the terrible teeth of the British . She said it does !

You see I am not the only one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By now, you may well be wondering who did I leave cards for asking to see them again for a date.

NONE !!

This is L-C . She does not ask men out ! Speed dating event or not. I have old fashioned values - men need to chase and be chivalrous. They need to be able to be gallant and courteous not emasculated.

However, I did leave two cards with my contact details on. One was to Matt M for a meeting as friends and tickets to show my support for chasing a flattened rubber thing on frozen water of my local team. The other was again the second choice with the "as friends" part crossed out so it read

"I'd like to meet again for more than 6 minutes" to the guy who frankly proves that miracles do still happen.

Miracle ? What miracle ? The fact that I could not find fault with him. Well groomed, dressed with style, amazing teeth, brains, brawn and a very bright future ahead of him.

Nick also had some hits from the ladies to meet as friends and he has already had an email off one of them asking to meet up ! Go NICK !!!

In short I thoroughly enjoyed the "Speed Skating" sorry "Dating" event.

Note to my Mother - there is a man in the world that has teeth which do not offend me.